When my daughter suggested that I write a blog on being a grandparent, I thought it was a great idea. Then I thought about those individuals who don’t have grandchildren. Would it be fair only to address a segment of older adults? But then I realized the “grandparent” relationship benefits are equal for children and adults and are not limited to a biological connection. Silver Chats explores how our aging wisdom benefits all children and why being a grandparent is our biggest role in life.
As in parenthood, grandchildren don’t have a “how-to” guidebook or instruction manual. There are no steadfast rules or regulations. Distance, health, lifestyle, and family dynamics are all factors that play a part in determining our relationships with our grandchildren. We can be daily caregivers, teachers, playmates, or advisors. We can be as involved as we choose and are not limited to a set of criteria.
“A child needs a grandparent, anybody’s grandparent, to grow a little more securely into an unfamiliar world.” – Charles and Ann Morse
The roles a grandparent chooses in a child’s life are numerous, and the benefits for both are immeasurable. Grandparents are a source of wisdom, sharing experiences and a different perspective on life. They are keepers of tradition and preservers of cultural heritage. They are storytellers and family historians. They are unique members of a family and play an important part in their lives.
“It is one of nature’s ways that we often feel closer to distant generations than to the generation immediately preceding us.” – Igor Stravinsky
Grandparenting provides children with role models as well. Mentoring, teaching, and providing practical support are all roles we play in the lives of grandchildren. Grandparents can listen to their grandchildren’s worries and provide emotional support. They provide a sense of security and stability within the family unit.
“Telling stories to my children that I was, in my turn, told by my parents and grandparents makes me feel part of something special and odd, part of the continuous stream of life itself.” –Neil Gaiman
There is also psychology to grandparenting, with science-defining types. These types have been classified as:
–Formal: Grandparents who follow cultural expectations and act as family elders.
–Reserved: Grandparents who stay in the background and only engage with family during holidays and special occasions.
–Surrogate: Grandparents who become primary caregivers.
–Wise: Grandparents who provide advice, counsel, and resources and may teach a special skill.
–Fun-seeker: Grandparents who are playful and informal and who emphasize entertainment.
–Companionate: Grandparents who do activities with their grandchildren but have little authority or control over them.
–Distant: Grandparents who have infrequent contact with their grandchildren
–Involved: Grandparents who take an active role in their grandchildren’s lives.
Grandparenting can have a significant impact on the lives of children. They can provide emotional and behavioral well-being by offering stability and a sense of belonging. Grandparent involvement impacts cognitive development, social adjustment, and mental health. It’s been shown that grandparent involvement reduces risky behaviors, helps children cope with stress, and builds confidence.
“Grandparents can have a profound influence on their grandchildren. Their time is generally not as encumbered and busy as the parents, so books can be opened and read, stories can be told….Children then obtain a perspective of life which not only is rewarding but can bring them security, peace, and strength.” – Ezra Taft Benson
There is scientific proof that grandparent involvement is beneficial for children too. There have been several studies examining the impact of grandparenting on children’s development and well-being. A study in China showed that strong co-parenting between parents and grandparents led to strong, positive social development. A study by the University of Oxford showed that high levels of grandparent involvement are associated with fewer behavioral and emotional problems. A study conducted at the University of Berkeley resulted in findings that grandparents who provide significant support to parents enhance parenting effectiveness. This support can include role modeling, encouragement, and sharing parenting responsibilities. There is no denying the importance of a grandparent in a child’s life. It is scientifically backed!
“What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies.” – Rudolph Giuliani
Looking at the statistics around the number of grandparents worldwide is impressive. Due to increased life expectancy, it is estimated that 13% of the world’s population, or 1 billion adults, are grandparents. Most of them play active roles in the lives of their grandchildren, and 2% of this population are the primary caregivers and are raising them.
“Because (grandparents) are usually free to love and guide and befriend the young without have to take daily responsibility for them, they can often reach out past pride and fear of failure and close the space between generations.” – Jimmy Carter
The National Library of Medicine reviewed over 19,246 articles and research papers on the effects of grandparenting on aging adults. They looked at health categories like longevity, cognitive skills, mental health, stress levels, depressive symptoms, physical health, and preventative health behavior. They also looked at happiness, life satisfaction, and perceived quality of life. What they found were negative impacts on grandparents, who are the primary caregivers and raising their grandchildren. The physical and mental challenges of being the primary caregiver burden older adults and lead to decreased health and well-being.
Grandparenting, health, and well-being: a systematic literature review – PMC (nih.gov)
However, for grandparents who are not primary caregivers, and who have moderate interaction with grandchildren there are definitely health benefits. There have been social studies that confirm “grandparenthood can provide a new life purpose, potentially reducing health problems such as depression, improving cognitive abilities and physical strength, while leading to a better quality of life.” (Arbino and Bordone, 2014; Ku etal 2012.) Other studies show that active grandparenting reduces stress, improves socialization, and is associated with emotional and mental well-being. There is even some evidence that being a grandparent can increase longevity.
“Grandparents, like heroes, are as necessary to a child’s growth as vitamins”– Joyce Allison
I am blessed to have 5 grandchildren. I can share personally that the experience brings joy, purpose, and endless amounts of love. However, if you don’t have grandchildren, there are plenty of ways to impact a child’s life. Developing meaningful relationships and having a positive impact on children carries the same benefits regardless of biology. Consider these options:
- Volunteer with children: Many organizations such as schools, libraries, and community centers welcome volunteers to read to children, help with homework, or participate in activities. Programs like Big Brother Big Sister can also pair you with a young person in need of mentoring.
- Foster Grandparent Programs: These programs connect older adults with children who need extra support. They provide guidance, companionship, and love to kids in your community.
- Adopt A Grandchild: Some organizations facilitate relationships between seniors and families looking for a grandparent figure. It is an opportunity to connect with children, providing mentorship, tutoring, and emotional support.
- Teach or share a hobby – If you possess a special skill or have a passionate hobby, consider teaching it to children. These can provide opportunities to interact with children and share your experiences and wisdom.
- Host exchange students – Be a host for a foreign exchange student, allowing a rewarding experience by providing a home away from home while building a lasting relationship.
- Join clubs or groups – Look for local clubs, groups, or churches that offer programs on intergenerational activities. These can offer opportunities to interact with children and share experiences or teach a specialized skill set.
- Be a mentor – many schools and community organizations have mentorship programs where you can offer guidance and support to young people. It can be a fulfilling way to make a positive impact.
“Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children.” – Alex Haley
The takeaway is this: children’s lives are greatly enriched by having grandparent involvement. Science has proven the positive effects both physical and mental in children who have active relationships with their grandparents, and those relationship types are varied for a multitude of reasons. Being the primary caregiver by raising grandchildren is not beneficial to our health and wellness, whereas moderate involvement carries many benefits for both children and grandparents. It is not necessary to have a biological connection to be a grandparent, and there are many opportunities available that are fulfilling and impactful for children.
Taking the time to make a difference in a child’s life may be the biggest legacy we leave behind. It should be an honor to share our experiences and wisdom with the next generation and enrich their lives. Find a way to be a part of a child’s life; it can be the most fulfilling and meaningful thing you do for yourself and them. It is part of holistic aging practices and part of discovering the endless possibilities of aging.